Attempts to communicate with the Universe. Lettres à l’Univers et autres destinataires.

Among the challenges taken this last year, there’s been becoming a better mom. Don’t get me wrong : I’m a great mother. I’m divine. I’m also known to be somewhat impatient and snappy. Bad mommy, baaaad. Bad mommy who doesn’t understand that it just does take at least 30 minutes to get dressed in the morning, not five, because getting dressed must include dancing and jumping out of clothes and running naked in the apartment screeching, even if that means the school’s director/hateful watchdog (yes, that’s one same creature) will sneer and get in baaad mommy’s face.

So I’ve taken upon myself to turn into a better version of a mother, one with a sense of humor, a sense of relativity, a sense of kindness towards the monster-personnality I’ve bred. Think teenage rage and angst and confrontation towards all forms of authority and a taste for systematic contradiction. Now imagine putting up with it for the last two years, all coming from one single three year old but otherwise very cute, very smart, very funny little girl. I’ve been known, as I mentioned, to be somewhat impatient and demanding. The combination of those various elements can be lethal. So I’ve devoted myself to becoming one of those cool, sweet, funny moms. Yeah, I know, it seems quite out of range, but hey, I’m actually getting pretty close. Françoise Dolto’s books have been a great help. There’s this one particular series of articles she wrote in the late 70s that pointed out exactly how bad I was on school mornings. She seemed to have written them while observing silly me, at 8:05 am, storming out of the bedroom and deciding Clarisse could just “go to school in your PJs, for all I care, I’ve had it”.

Now, if she’s late, it’s the child’s fault. Not mine. Just because she’s three doesn’t make Clarisse irresponsible, says Dolto, it’s her school day, not mine, her teacher, not mine. Her timing, not mine. Seriously, Merci Françoise Dolto.

In other great 2008 achievements, let’s see :

Completing this thing called Result’s Course, a great 6 week cycle of learning and figuring out who and what and how you are. And more importantly what you want. And even more importantly, asking for it and getting it.

Finally seeing Rome : the Sixtine Chapel and the Coliseum, the terrible and sordid break-up on a great romantic terrasse, the getting back together the next day, after deciding men are stupid but given the extent of their obliviousness, it’s probably not their fault so what the hell.

Confirming writer status : getting asked to rewrite the dialogues and adaptation of a screenplay, to write short comedy scenes for a TV program, to write lyrics for a big ad agency project, to co-write a screenplay. Hence getting an agent. A great agent.

Being sick : getting emergency surgery and finding out I have the maturity of 7 year-old Heidi in her mountains, and that surgery is actually not like a Grey’s Anatomy episode, modern and clean and efficient and funny, that it’s actually horrible ; having to get treated for something blue, something new, something blah blah blah. Hence having to wait before thinking about a second child but feeling good about the fact I knew there was something wrong and at least I’m not crazy, which, hey, in my case, is a relief.

Home sweet home : buying art just has to be one of my favorite things ever (I’m in love with the Scott Campbell piece we got, I want more). Almost finishing apartment arrangements and making it a really nice place to live for just the three of us. Especially now that Ludo’s production offices as well as his just opened restaurant are in the Marais, which means we may have to move to the Marais before September if I want to see him more than once a week. Which means starting all over to make a new place perfect. Which given me might take another 5 years. Ha !

Making new friends, parting with old ones, getting closer to others, eating great food, becoming an even better cook (seriously, I’m starting to be pretty good), reading and watching movies and seeing great plays and incredible art shows.

Being happy. Being sad. Being inspired. Spending time alone. Feeling good. Feeling connected. Disconnected. Alive.

Learning. Growing. Seeing Ludo do so well. Seeing Clarisse be so happy.

It’s been an incredible and great year.

Now for 2009 resolutions, wishes, desires, ambitions, dreams, projects, goals, ideas, fantasies, roller-coasters.

Later.

Mad Love, always,
MND

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 31st, 2008 at 11:55 am and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.