Dear Time,
Tuesday, December 29th, 2009Will you slow down already! I keep meaning to write new blog letters, to old friends and current witnesses of the various states of MN, and time goes by and I don’t write. It’s not even that I’m soooo very busy right now, it’s just that I’m diving into end of the year nothingness. Or allness. Or both.
The end of the year is traditionally my über-phase of reflection. What have I done and what will I do? What on earth and for crying out loud have and shall I apply myself to? I also have a letter to Lisa the awesome Aussie in the works on motherhood versus womanhood. Maybe I’ll try wrapping that one today, help add perspective to my end of the year debrief. Of course, that’s if I can extract myself from the movie marathon I’m engrossed in.
Clarisse left two mornings ago for a week of country time at her grandparents’ house, which means I’m free to do whatever the hell I want after weeks of Santa Clausing fury. You’d think I’d be off running the streets, getting myself into trouble and connecting to my deeper senses (read promiscuous sex, of course). But times have changed, they have, and men bore me. More on that later. So instead, I’m relishing the silence of my apartment, and am already well into my 8th or 9th movie, I think. Including a trip outside to check out 3D Avatar and 3D popcorn with my brother to chaperone me. He’s not a man, he’s my little brother.
The thing is, aside from Avatar because, while visually stunning, it really is just entertainment (though many lessons are to be learned for such a collection of cliché-based characters and dialogues), the thing is… where was I..? Oh yeah, so the thing is, after watching 8 or 9 movies which have all been pretty good, or sometimes really good, and even deep in their resonance within my own current questions, well, it struck me. Fictional characters depicted in movies are more engaged in who they are and what they’re facing than actual real human beings in real life, who seem to be floating between their lines and their scenes like bad actors. I find that, for the most part, people are not engaged in themselve, they’re just pretending, and they suck at it. In conversations. In reunions. And as a result, they’re mostly boring. Like bad actors. And the people who are engaged, well, they live far away, travel a lot, scatter their attention somewhat. So it’s no wonder really that I have been spending so much time as a recluse hermit of sorts.
That said, one of the things I’m looking forward to in 2010 is traveling. I’m definitely going to India, or New Zealand, or Japan. Somewhere different with different people who think differently from me. Challenge my perception of human beings.
That’s a good start to my 2010 list.
Mad Love,
MND